BreakPoint: The Silent Suffering of Gay Men

An Unspoken Epidemic

Ideas have consequences, and bad ideas have victims. False promises of love and personal fulfillment are no exception.

Over a year and-a-half after the Obergefell decision, the debate over gay “marriage” and homosexuality has largely fizzled out: partly because of the election, partly because the “T” in the LGBT acronym has been stealing all the headlines, and partly because Obergefell is now viewed by many as settled law. And that’s a shame, because so-called “progress” isn’t bringing about the rosy picture we were promised.

In what may be the most candid piece in Huffington Post history, Michael Hobbes, who identifies as gay, writes about what he calls an “epidemic of loneliness.”

“For years,” he begins, “I’ve noticed the divergence between my straight friends and my gay friends. While one half of my social circle has disappeared into relationships, kids and suburbs, the other has struggled through isolation and anxiety, hard drugs and risky (behavior).”

Through story after story and mountains of statistics, Hobbes then documents a consistent and chilling trend among those who share his lifestyle. “Gay men everywhere, at every age,” he writes, are two-to-ten-times more likely than heterosexual men to commit suicide.

And that’s just the beginning. Homosexual males also suffer from higher rates of cardiovascular disease, cancer, allergies, asthma, and a whole host of behavior-related infections and dysfunctions. They’re twice as likely to experience major depressive episodes, report having fewer close friends, and abuse drugs at an alarming rate.

In fact, living in so-called “gay neighborhoods” is a predictor of more frequent, risky behaviors and methamphetamine use. And, Hobbes adds, the community itself is brutal and degrading to its members. Smart-phone hookup apps drive a culture of exploitation and casual encounters that one young man he interviewed said made him feel like “a piece of meat.”

We often hear these disastrous statistics and stories attributed to homophobia, bullying, and shame. Having been treated horribly since childhood, men like this author—the oft-repeated myth goes—are forced to live a lie. They’re depressed because they’ve been oppressed and repressed.

But here’s the problem with the bullying hypothesis. In countries like the Netherlands and Sweden where same-sex “marriage” has been the law of the land for years, gay men remain three times more susceptible to mood disorders and three- to ten-times more likely to engage in “suicidal self-harm.”

The situation is so bad that one respondent in a survey of HIV clinics told researchers, “It’s not a question of not knowing how to save their lives. It’s a question of them not knowing if their lives are worth saving.”

Incredibly, after this long and brutal and well-documented description of life in his community, Hobbes then concludes the cause as having minority status, which has taught them to live in fear. At no point does he consider the possibility that it’s the lifestyle itself that may be what’s destroying these men’s lives.

Still, one expert quoted in the piece hints that he knows what’s going on. Christopher Stults, a researcher at New York University, admits that for many people, the marriage decision was a letdown. “We have this legal status, and yet there’s still something unfulfilled.”

Could it be that this lifestyle cuts off this community from the natural family, from children, and—according to years of statistics—from monogamous partnerships? Could it be the disparity Hobbes sees between what he wants and what he got is a result of a broken lifestyle? Could it be that this behavior naturally isolates people? Could it be that God didn’t design His image-bearers to live like this, and when we do, it actually destroys us?

Unfortunately, those questions are no longer even considered by Hobbes or by social scientists. But we as a society, and especially the Church, must consider these questions. As long as there are real people trying to fill their hearts with lies, caring about them will mean having a more open mind than the Huffington Post.


Further Reading and Information

The Silent Suffering of Gay Men: An Unspoken Epidemic

No matter who we are, all of us, when we decide to deviate from God’s design and plan for our lives, will experience pain and brokenness.  May the Lord continue to use the ordinary, imperfect people of His body, the Church, to demonstrate His love and forgiveness to a broken and dying world.



Find a BreakPoint radio station in your area–Click here.


Statistics on sexual promiscuity among homosexuals
  • Matt Slick | Christian Apologetics Research Ministry | September 13, 2011

Comment Policy: Commenters are welcome to argue all points of view, but they are asked to do it civilly and respectfully. Comments that call names, insult other people or groups, use profanity or obscenity, repeat the same points over and over, or make personal remarks about other commenters will be deleted. After multiple infractions, commenters may be banned.

  • Chris Ruhl

    There is also a very good research paper published in The New Atlantis, Fall 2016 that “presents a careful summary and an up-to-date explanation of research … related to sexual orientation and gender identity” by Drs Lawrence Mayer and Paul McHugh.

    • Phoenix1977

      The New Atlantis is not cosidered a scientific journal just as Paul McHugh is not considered a scientist anymore. At best the New Atlantis deals with fringe science. It should not be surprising, though. Paul McHugh has not been able to publish an article in a true scientific journal since siding with anti-LGBT organisations and abusing science to make his point.

  • Benjamin Rocke

    “Ideas have consequences, and bad ideas have victims. False promises of love and personal fulfillment are no exception.”

    Do you think this goes both ways? Are you sure the church hasn’t spread ideas that weren’t true about homosexuality, and that those bad ideas had victims? Do you think the church is maintaining a false promise of love with open arms with articles like this floating around that first and foremost label them in their entirety as sinners based on assumptions about their lifestyles?

    What’s most troubling about this article: if you want to know why or if or how homosexuals are suffering, why don’t you ask them?

    • USN(Ret)

      Are you saying you are perfectly happy and fulfilled in a homosexual relationship? Many people living in a statistically risky demographic group will call themselves outliers or even deny the statistics truth.

      • Oshtur

        The ‘statistical’ risks are still a minority of the group, and who judges a group by a characteristic of a minority? What Christian judges people as a group to begin with?

        • Tom Sathre

          oshtur, The plain truth is that all of us, homo- and hetero-sexual, divorced and celibate, have sinned. So dividing us up (“what Christian judges people as a group to begin with?”) may – or may not – be a good sociological approach, it doesn’t line up with what the Bible says about all of us.

          • Oshtur

            I agree.

      • Phoenix1977

        Yes, I am saying I am perfectly happy and fulfilled in my homosexual relationship. No signs of depression, suicidal tendencies, dangerous behaviour, drugs or substance abuse (I even hardly drink alcohol) or anything conservatives like to mention when talking about “gay lifestyle”. The only thing different between my brother’s marriage and mine is the gender of our partners and the fact my brother has children (which I never wanted anyway).
        You may not agree with me, but frankly, I couldn’t care less. Fact is LGBTs are here, we have equal rights and we have no intention of giving them up ever again. The world is changing and if you don’t change with it you will be left behind. Even the Catholic Church is starting to realize that.

      • Elizabeth Putnam

        I’m bisexual, which means I’m attracted to males and females. Although my partner is of the opposite sex and I’m very happy with him, my mental health which is just depression and anxiety has never been affected by my sexuality. So my sexuality is not the cause of my mental health issues. I’m perfectly fine with my sexuality and gender identity, and those two things don’t affect me at all.

    • Tom

      As alluded to in the article, when you ask the homosexual community why they have poorer health, they tend to blame discrimination and religion. When in fact its not that simple. In places such as China, where Christainity and Islam are not prevalent, homosexuals still suffer. And in places where gay marriage has legally been available for many years, homosexuals still suffer.

      • Jaxian

        It is my understanding that homosexuality was viewed positively in China until medieval times, when Christianity and Islam began to influence the area, and that most scholars believe those religions were responsible for the change. Is that not correct?

        Also, the Netherlands (the first country to legalize same-sex marriage) did it 16 years ago. That is not nearly enough time for cultural change.

        What this article fails to mention is that, when studies are performed looking at the suicide rates of gay people in the Netherlands and Sweden, they find that the suicides are still happening because people are being harassed and victimized for being gay. Take a look at this study, for example:

        • Tom

          That URL seems to be invalid.

          Doesnt the quick social change with regards to support for gay marriage, suggest that 16 years is plenty, for social change?

          • Jaxian

            Huh, the URL still seems to work for me. It’s a study called “Victimization and Suicidality Among Dutch Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Youths”. You could try Googling it. Or here is the summary of another study:


            Maybe that link will work? It talks about exactly this: that even though support for same-sex marriage is high, gay people still face harassment and assault.

            It suggests a few reasons for this. It says that some people seem to believe in equal rights, yet still view homosexuality as a negative trait. These people sometimes become upset when seeing homosexuality in public, believing that they should show more restraint than a heterosexual person would. Also, that certain demographic groups, and therefore certain neighborhoods and areas of the country, are still quite opposed to homosexuality.

            Support for homosexuality is moving fast compared to previous civil rights issues. But fast is relative. Prejudice and hatred don’t disappear in 1/5 of a lifetime.

            I should emphasize this as well: researchers blame vicitimization of gay people for the increased depression and suicide rates. This isn’t because they’ve made a random guess. It’s because the gay people they see who are depressed or commit suicide are people who have been victimized.

          • Phoenix1977

            Tom, perhaps I can shed some light on that.

            I’m a Dutch gay man, fully out to my family, collaegues, friends and neighbours. I have a good and honest relationship with my boyfriend and I have absolutely no intention of committing suicide or do any type op self-harm.

            16 years ago, the Netherlands made it possible for gay couples to get married. Immediately a loud protest from conservative religious factions was heard but, since religion plays hardly a role in Dutch society nowadays, it was considered to be of no importance. In the law that made marriage available to same-sex couples a special clause was added to accommodate marriage officials who objected to marrying same-sex couples based on religious reasoning since they did not know what could be expected of them. The same clause also made it clear new marriage officials could not be exempt based on religious objections because they are employed by the government and are therefor required to comply to the law. If they were instated after April 1st, 2001 they did know what was expected of them. On April 1st, 2001 102 marriage officials with religious objections were identified and exempt from marrying same-sex couples.
            10 years after the law went into effect 35 of these officials had retired, leaving 67 of the original exempt officials in government employment. However, a total number of 112 marriage officials refused to perform same-sex weddings. Not only were the 35 retired officials somehow replaced with others with religious objections but their number even increased by another 10 officials. When asked why those new officials refused to perform same-sex weddings while they could not invoke the exempt status one of them simply replied: “I will do everything in my power to prevent gay men and women to get married, to receive the same rights I have and to live a happy life. They should not be out in the open; they should remain ashamed in the dark until they repent their sinful ways”. This man made his comment on national tv and was sentenced to a prison sentence of 2 years for a hate crime.

            And that is the problem here. Legally, gay men and women have equal rights now. But even in the Netherlands, one of the few countries in the world that never criminalized same-sex relationships and kept religious institutions at bay in order to protect it’s citizens, there are die hard fanatics who will stop at nothing to make the lives of gay men and women more difficult. The numbers are luckily small but still they can have a huge impact on someone’s life. I should know because one of those fanatics used to me my upstairs neighbour. He tried to have me and my partner evicted from the apartment I bought and I had to threaten with legal actions of my own to have him back down. Another neighbour tried to break down my front door in order to do bodily harm to my partner and me after his 17 year old son came out, because, in his father’s eyes, we “faggots turned his son into a queer”. This neighbour was, as you can guess, deeply religious and refused to accept his son’s sexuality based on the bible. The boy now lives with his maternal grandparents and the father has a restraining order against him. And just 2 weeks ago a gay couples was brutally assaulted with a pair of bolt cutters because some people with s strong religious background took offense when these two men walked hand in hand in public.

            So, no matter how well protected the LGBT community is nowadays, we still live in constant fear because the legal protections are only effective AFTER something has happened to us. My upstairs neighbour could only be dealt with AFTER he started trying to evict us from the building. My next door neighbour could only be dealt with AFTER he proved to be a danger to his son and other people in the building. The individuals who used the bolt cutters in a way the manufacturer didn’t produce them for will be convicted harshly (the Netherlands has very strict anti-hate crime laws) but only AFTER two men have been dealt severe bodily harm. Laws do not protect us from the people who might do us harm. It will take decades before violence against LGBTs will be frowned upon the same way as the lynchings of black men in the South of the United States are now. And even today blacks have every right to fear for their futures and lives many times more than whites do. LGBTs live in constant fear of what might happen to them, just as teenage LGBTs live in constant fear how their parents will react if and when they find out. In the US things are even more gloom. For example, in 38 states you can get fired for no other reason than being gay. In 13 states you can be denied service in a public establishment. 1 state (North-Carolina) is trying to undo Obergefell vs. Hodges by passing another law, stating the United States Supreme Court overstepped it’s authority by ruling in favour of same-sex marriage. And the uncertainty the current administration creates definately doesn’t add to the mental stability of the LGBT community. After a couple of years of relative peace the American LGBT community has to prepare for another round of fights and battles.

            So, Tom, 16 years is not nearly enough for such a change. Perhaps in 60 years we might see the start of social change but only if we remain alert and vigilant at all times.

      • Elizabeth Putnam

        China is not accepting of gay people though. They are even less accepting than the US for example in China.

  • Marion Stade

    “As long as there are real people trying to fill their hearts with lies,
    caring about them will mean having a more open mind than the Huffington
    Post.” Why I read your articles.

  • Tom Sathre

    david cary hart, This WWW site describes itself as “A chronicle of the pursuit for LGBT equality and gun sanity,” which hardly militates toward unbiasedness. Can you come up with 1 or 2 that don’t plan on “chronical(ing) the pursuit of LGBT equality.

    • Your reply would be applicable to any opinions that I offered. However, it is a fact that the McHugh article is not peer reviewed. It is also a fact that 600 prominent scientists have attempted to set the scientific records straight (no pun intended). The link is provided in order to provide access to the text of their letter.

      And by the way, this is not from animus either. I happen to like the co-author of the subject article and have spoken with him at length.

      Of course what they write in a letter has not been subjected to peer-review either.

      • jennybens

        The New Atlantis article is a review of the current research (no original research was conducted) and thus would still be helpful to read even if not peer reviewed. The letter you link actually fails to address most of the main points covered (and duly supported) in the New Atlantis article. I think the only argument held by the letter you link is that social stigma is a source of poor health outcomes in the LGBT community. I don’t think the New Atlantis holds a contrary view, but asserts that there are also other factors involved, since the same distressing mental health outcomes are seen in the most LGBT-affirming societies where there is little religious influence. If you want to refute the McHugh’s review, a more detailed critique must be made of why his conclusions are not warranted based on the published research to date. Otherwise, those 600 researchers are just saying “McHugh’s wrong because I disagree” … not a scientific argument in the least and certainly not well reasoned or convincing.

        • Phoenix1977

          There are 3 very easily made comments to refute McHugh’s “research”.
          1. McHugh has been discredited as a scientist for decades now because he used science to make his own personal point, instead of having his point made by science. In the medical community that is a huge no-no which has ultimately led to his dismissal as head of the psychiatric department at Johns Hopkins and his break with the American Psychiatric Association.
          2. A review only has merits when you can trust the authors to have included all available data, meaning you will get a true balance of pro’s and cons. And even than you need to trust the author to give all the data the same weight in his analysis. McHugh does not have that trust in the medical community because he violated that trust on several occasions in the past. So, ultimately, this article has no value since it confirms the views held by social and religious conservatives while those who actually have the authority on these matters dismiss this article immediately simply based on who the author is.
          3. “Journals” like The New Atlantis are not taken seriously by the medical community. Because it’s not peer reviewed the content of what they publish is completely unchecked, which is why McHugh could publish his article there. In serious scientific journals the name McHugh disqualifies the publication immediately and otherwise a sincere look at the content would. The New Atlantis holds as much credibility as Wikipedia, and that is an insult to Wikipedia. A journal that uses a fictional character (Agatha Christie’s Miss Marple) to analyze a security breach in modern day identification systems or claims humanity is unique in the cosmos, simply because we haven’t made contact with anyone else yet, doesn’t deserve to be labeled a journal. It should be labeled a tabloid.

    • Phoenix1977

      The scientific community has no interest of responding any further. In fact, I doubt the scientific community is even aware of the “article” by McHugh. He has been shunned for the scientific community for years now and “journals” like The New Atlantis are not high on any serious researcher’s reading list. That is, if the scientific community is aware of The New Atlantis at all.
      So basically, no one is refuting McHugh because no one thinks McHugh is worth the effort.

  • O Keith Hueftle

    A major adaptation: we need to learn to articulate the saving truth—not as perceived “hate-speech”. We need to witness it rather as the reality of the sinful proclivities in all of us, and of “the Mystery” that has come alongside all of us with the power to break each of us from “the destruction lying within”. And if we’ve come to know the excitement, the joy, of release from its destructive power—that which is eternally new and Earth-Changing—rather than closeting ourselves in little cells of counter-righteousness we need to be finding ways to come alongside those other sinful strugglers next to us —even when it has become “politically (and legally) incorrect” to do so.

    That mode-of-living is the “skin” that can contain the New Wine we hold. [From new book: The HESED-Factor and the Parables of Jesus, chapter 11.]

  • Jaxian

    I disagree with this article. I feel that its primary problem is this: it makes no attempt to justify its final conclusion with evidence. Instead, it simply tries to refute someone else’s argument, then comes up with its own conclusion out of nowhere.

    All that is provided are questions. “Could it be that this is the result of a broken lifestyle?” Sure, I guess anything’s possible. It’s also possible that aliens are sending faster-than-light magical emissions across the universe to disrupt the minds of some gay people. And I could write this article, then end with the same sort of question, “Could it be that I’m right about my alien theory?” Well, again, anything’s possible. But we’re a lot more likely to find the truth if we start by following the evidence, instead of starting with what we want to be true.

    So let’s look at the evidence. When studies look into why gay suicides, they discover that people who have been victimization for being gay appears to account for the difference. This is true even in the Netherlands, as I discussed in a comment below. Also, when you ask gay people they will tell you that is the reason. Also, it makes rational sense as the reason, because victimization is often associated with suicide.

    What you don’t see is happily-married gay couples committing suicide because of some “lack of fulfillment” that the relationship provides. At least not any more than heterosexual couples. If the author’s conclusion is true, shouldn’t we see suicides correlating with lack of fulfillment in one’s relationship instead of correlating to victimization?

    So where is the evidence for that conclusion? Why would we look into the possible explanations provided in this article? Are they really any more likely than my alien theory? Only because someone wants it to be true.

  • Edward

    I don’t disagree with your article but what is a young man or women to do when their most intrinsic and sexual desires are not for the opposite sex? My son came out gay last year at 29. He knows he is screwed up by being attracted to men instead of women. He knows it isn’t “normal”. He tried dating women but it just didn’t work because of a lack of any sexual desire to develop a relationship. I have no answers but trust me, my son didn’t “choose” to be gay. He doesn’t want to be gay. He prayed to God for 15 years to take it away. God didn’t. He finally threw in the towel last year and surrendered to “the way he was”. He was tired of fighting against himself.

    • Gina Dalfonzo

      Edward, I’m really sorry to hear about what you and your son have been through. Has either of you read Wesley Hill’s “Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality”? I think it might be helpful.

      I’ll be praying for you both. God bless.

      • Edward

        Thank you Gina. I’ll look at this. Blessings.

    • Johnny Saint-Lethal

      It is NOT screwed up to be attracted to the same sex. Good for him for stopping the fighting. My fight lasted from the time I was 14 until the time I was 27… and it was lonely. And I was blessed to have good mentors to keep me away from the “lifestyle”… God doesn’t want any of us abusing ourselves or using each other for sexual means. Love is love, though. And that’s what I held out for. I was brought up Christian and so it even turned me from God… because I listened to man instead of the Lord. I began, when I was 27, listening to Gay Christian Radio Network online… I went to see a gay pastor. We all have our own personal walk with the Lord. The Christians who judge, especially in the hateful way such as Westboro Baptist Church…. are the ones who turn people from God. Jesus never spoke out against homosexuality… and in original translations of the Bible, homosexuality is only condemned when promiscuous and when with minors, and when done in perversion. It never, in the original texts, calls homosexuality itself a perversion or abomination. A lot of the translations were church and doctrine agendas.

      • Edward

        Thank you for your reply. Bless you.

      • Rick

        Good point, but what is promuscuity ? Can anyone tell me what a gay man is suppose to do act like the fifties wait until Mr. Right comes along ? It’s not that simple what about those of us who came out in the 70’s ? There was no marriage, no proper dating, only bashing. I spent inumerous hours pleading with God to change me when a preteen found a charismatic church at 19 where I gave my life to Him was told He would change my sexual feelings and I was not homosexuality anymore that did not happen. I turned once again to drugs and drinking and sexual encounters hoping most times it would turn into the one that would last. I suffered 3 breakdowns and now at 61 still feel derealization and am depressed, anxiety ridden.Any suggestions of what to do now ?

        • Gina Dalfonzo

          Rick, I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been through. I will pray for you. Are you going to counseling for your depression? I might be able to recommend some reading material for you, too, if you’re interested. Let me know.

          • Rick

            Thanks Gina I appreciate your prayers thank you.

    • jennybens

      Hi Edward, I recently attended a talk by David Pickup, a therapist who has had much success in helping clients find and address the underlying psychological issues leading to same sex attraction. If your son is still interested in trying to heal this aspect of himself, the website is Mr. Pickup stressed in his talk that repairative therapy is NOT electroshock and can only work if the patient is willing (i.e. not forced in any way). He also stressed that homosexual feelings are NOT a choice, but come up spontaneously and are extremely strong and pervasive. Basically (and in very simplistic terms – there are many more factors involved), same sex attraction in males in most cases stems from 1) not having their maleness affirmed as a child, perhaps due to already having a sensitive nature, 2) not receiving physical affirming touch from a male parent figure as a child — both leading to the need to later seek out maleness and male contact outside of oneself, or 3) sexual abuse. The underlying point is that there is hope for healing but he needs the right therapist who can help him identify the underlying cause. I will pray for him!

      • Rick

        My father expressed his affection for me when I was a tot by hugs, picking me up lovingly, I was not sexually abused yet I knew from the earliest time (although too young to put in words ) that I had an attraction for my older sister’s boyfriend and other males in my life much different than the love for my female relatives. Not all gay men have been abused or lacked male attention in their early life. Please explain this, if you can ?

  • Rollan McCleary

    The final paragraphs of the following article “Thinking about Disney’s Gay Moment” at are particularly relevant here.

  • Johnny Saint-Lethal

    This is a result of the “gay community” who hold “Pride Parades” and festivals. As an openly bisexual man, I think it’s a shame. 7 out of 10 of those at said events don’t even know the Parades are to commemorate Stonewall. Largely, the “gay community” doesn’t know, much less care about or respect, its history. Most of my LGBT friends are NOT a part of the “scene”, “neighborhoods/bars/etc”. They don’t fancy Ikea, theater, etc. There is an epidemic of outcasts… who aren’t accepted by the “straight world” because of the stereotypes perpetuated on television from Will & Grace to Modern Family, articles like this, and the token gay on morning shows talking about design and fashion. The real epidemic is the division created by stereotypes, the fear of bigotry, and the absence of true unity as a result. But yes, the “scene”? It’s filled with promiscuity, drugs, loneliness, and apathy. Why now more than ever? Why an “epidemic” now? Because the “gay community” is dying. It’s met it’s time. There isn’t the need for it now. The “outcasts” and those finding themselves, the ones who wanted to be with like-minded LGBT people no longer need the gay bars, clubs, parades, cliques, drugs, and promiscuity. A lot has changed in 20 years… Largely, guys can go on dates with other guys at a “regular” restaurant, coffee shop, or sports bar without the fear of being verbally or physically assaulted. And the respectable lesbians, homosexuals, bisexuals, etc., don’t attend gay bars as frequently, especially not many of the younger demographic who were not brought up with the level of bigotry and miseducation as even 20 years ago… So why is an epidemic now? Because those LGBT people who don’t want to listen to horrible EDM and Top 40 and wear sequences and watch drag shows… the ones who don’t fit in… the ones you criticize for “putting masculinity on a pedestal” just because we weren’t interested in the flamboyance of “gay culture”…. we don’t go “out” anymore. So what’s left? The perpetuating and glorified poppers-taking hookup culture lost breed. And just like with all stereotypes, this isn’t true for all people who “go out” to the gay establishments and events. But it IS why it seems as though there is more of a problem today than there used to be. You could disagree, but you’d be wrong. And for that reason, I won’t address replies. Opinions can be right, opinions CAN be wrong. You’re not a snowflake.

  • Phoenix1977

    “In countries like the Netherlands and Sweden where same-sex “marriage” has been the law of the land for years, gay men remain three times more susceptible to mood disorders and three- to ten-times more likely to engage in “suicidal self-harm.””

    Could you give a reference to that fact? Because, being Dutch (meaning: “from the Netherlands”), I know it’s illegal in my country to do minority-based research.

    “Could it be that this lifestyle cuts off this community from the natural family, from children, and—according to years of statistics—from monogamous partnerships? Could it be the disparity Hobbes sees between what he wants and what he got is a result of a broken lifestyle? Could it be that this behavior naturally isolates people? Could it be that God didn’t design His image-bearers to live like this, and when we do, it actually destroys us?”
    This probably could be (except the god part since there is no such thing as a god). Another good explanation is that LGBTs expected the fight to end after Obergefell vs. Hodges while it, in fact, opened up a new fight with religious and social conservatives when dealing with open discrimination against LGBT couples planning a wedding. LGBTs are still being marginalized by religious / social conservatives and instead of being able to start living the lives we want to we keep to have to defend ourselves from hatred, discrimination, violence and even uncertainty whether or not the current government will keep out rights intact.
    In the end, Obergefell vs. Hodges, just as Lawrence vs. Texas, United States vs. Windsor and the repeal of DADT, might have settled things legally but that’s it. For the LGBT community these were major victories but for individual gay men and women they mean far less. After all, Lawrence vs. Texas protects you from government interference in your relationship but not from neighbours who key your car. United States vs. Windsor makes sure same-sex partners cannot be denid access to their loved ones in the hospital but don’t shield you from the disdain of other patients or medical “professionals”. Obergefell vs. Hodges gives you the right to marry the one you love but doesn’t force your family to give their blessing.

    • forple

      Sorry but what is happening to homosexuals is just another example of what happens when liberal world slams into the REAL WORLD. You can have the black robed oligarchs pass down all kinds of edicts and pretend that they are law, and you can pretend all you want that homosexuality is a beautiful, normal alternate lifestyle, but it will not change the reality that homosexuality is a tragic destructive sexual perversion, that is the ultimate dead end lifestyle choice. And no, faux homosexual “marriage is NOT the law of the land.”Despite the Netherlands’ reputation as a world leader with respect to gay rights, homosexual Dutch men have much higher rates of mood disorders, anxiety disorders and suicide attempts than heterosexual Dutch men. Epidemiologists report similar disparities elsewhere in Western Europe and North America. These findings have been the focus of a blossoming psychological literature, inspired by minority stress theory and deploying quantitative methods. Our investigation aims to complement this body of work by adopting an ethnographic approach. Drawing from fieldwork in the Netherlands from 2009 to 2010” “Bakker, F. C., T. G. M.Sandfort, I.Vanwesenbeeck, H. Van Lindert, and G. P.Westert. 2006. “Do Homosexual Persons Use Health Care Services More Frequently than Heterosexual Persons: Findings from a Dutch Population Survey.” Social Science & Medicine


      [Google Scholar]

      Bostwick, W. B., C. J.Boyd, T. L.Hughes, and S. E.McCabe. 2010. “Dimensions of Sexual Orientation and the Prevalence of Mood and Anxiety Disorders in the United States.” American Journal of Public Health 100 (3): 468–475.

      Just a few sources backing up this statement.

      • Phoenix1977

        Unfortunately for you, same-sex marriage IS the law of the land, no matter how much you dislike it.
        I know these papers and I also know how they have been discredited due to illegitimate methods. The outcomes cannot be reproduced and the authors cannot state how they came to their conclusions.
        So nice try but you’ll have to do better.

      • Rick

        Countries in that part of Europe, Holland, Norway, etc. have higher rates of depression, alcoholics, among heterosexuals too, because of their geographic positions and lack of exposure to sun which our brains need.

  • Matthew W. Hall

    I’m gay and I’ve known so many gay men who’ve struggled enormously. Suicide, addiction, death from risky activities, etc. I myself feel very alone in the world and gave up on real friendship and loving relationships long ago. Gay men need to acknowledge their own points of view and live in their own emotional reality to overcome these challenges. We can’t do this alone. We need to help each other. AIDS inspired that kind of community in the past, but we seem to have lost it since then.

  • Matthew W. Hall
  • Matthew W. Hall

    “The church” doesn’t exist. There are many moral, intellectual, and institutional traditions in America. This presumption of an imagined cultural unity, past or present, is part of the problem, not the solution to gay men’s challenges. It never existed.