Born Homosexual?

A Parent's Guide

Are kids born gay? That’s not an academic question for parents of pre-homosexual children.

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Chuck  Colson

A little boy I’ll call “Stevie” was a beautiful, healthy child. But by age five, his parents suspected something was wrong. Stevie loved Barbie dolls, the color pink, and dancing around like a ballerina.

His parents took Stevie to see Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, a psychologist who specializes in gender disorders. Nicolosi listened as they described their son’s fascination with feminine activities, which had begun when he was three. Nicolosi confirmed that Stevie was a “prehomosexual male.” Without intervention, Nicolosi said, Stevie had a 75-percent chance of growing up homosexual, bisexual, or transgender.

In his book, A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality, Nicolosi describes what had likely led to Stevie’s preoccupation with feminine things. Nicolosi explains that as infants, boys and girls alike are emotionally attached to their mothers. It’s normal for girls to continue developing their feminine identity through their relationship with their mothers. But boys must dis-identify from their mothers and begin to identify with their fathers. Clearly, Stevie had not begun to do this; he continued to identify with his mother.

Dr. Nicolosi writes that at the heart of the homosexual condition is a distortion of the fundamental concept of gender. In boys, there can be a “gender wound” -- a kind of emotional injury -- in early childhood that leads the boy to see himself as “different.” Nicolosi writes that this differentness “creates a feeling of inferiority and isolates him from other males.”

For example, many homosexual men who come to Nicolosi for treatment remember childhoods in which they were unathletic, lonely, and fearful of boisterous games. They also feared “other boys, whom they found both intimidating and attractive.” Many prehomosexual boys are bright and artistically gifted. But they feel a sense of “gender emptiness” -- which can arise from a toxic blend of a sensitive temperament and an environment in which the boy does not receive affirmation from parents and peers to develop a masculine identity.

Nicolosi explains “Such a boy will...retreat from the challenge of identifying with his dad and the masculinity he represents...Instead of incorporating a masculine sense of self, the prehomosexual boy is doing just the opposite -- rejecting his emerging maleness and thus developing a defensive position against it.”

Nicolosi says that as a young adult, the boy “will fall in love with what he has lost by seeking out someone who seems to possess what is missing within himself.”

Early intervention, in which the boy’s father learns how to be both strong and caring, will interrupt an unhealthy mother-son bond.

“The most important message we can offer,” Nicolosi says, “is that there is no such thing as a ‘gay child’ or a ‘gay teen.’ We are all designed to be heterosexual. Confusion about gender is primarily a psychological condition, and to some extent, it can be modified.”

That is exactly the opposite message we hear from gay activists who claim that people are “born gay” and that confused teens ought to be encouraged to embrace homosexuality. And heaven help any-one who would suggest otherwise.

I hope you will stay tuned for the rest of this series based on Dr. Nicolosi’s book, A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality. You will learn more about what parents can do to lessen the chances their children will grow up homosexual.

Further Reading and Information

A Parent's Guide to Preventing Homosexuality
Joseph Nicolosi & Linda Nicolosi | The Colson Center Bookstore

Two-Minute Warning: Moral Laws, Real Consequences
Chuck Colson | The Colson Center | June 01, 2011


Now, as I am lead to believe, it is evident that there are quite a few misconceptions when it comes to homosexuality and it comes down to opinion in the end as well.

Humans, of course, are genetically similar, as well as other animals and such. Basic biology. How ever, it is also in our nature to be diverse. To be all the same under one unified belief and "label" if you will, is not what we are lead to do. When it comes to homosexuals, the opinion is generally viewed as "sin" because many individuals who come from a some what conservative household are taught that it is not in the bible and that God does not see such a relationship to be holy nor socially correct.

But that's in the basis of religion.

Many others grew up with this unified belief because of the time and age period that they grew up in. It is prominent that older men and women hold a strong animosity towards gay people due to the fact that they were taught it was socially incorrect.

But, does that make this a true statement?

I highly doubt it.

Children begin to understand themselves and the world around the age of 5, and because there is a lack of experience to change their initial views on themselves and their personality, it is one of the most accurate identities that this child will create. In theory, the mind works in such a way that as new thoughts and factors are introduced, chemicals and hormones as well as other factors (such as the growth and stimulus of memory)change over time.

It is a true fact that a child who is born with both male and female reproductive organs had an imbalance of hormones while within the womb, which causes the overall formation of these organs. Many doctors will view which hormone is higher in order to determine the sex of the child, unless the parent (guardian) expresses their own wish. This same imbalance follows in the life of the child. This will not go away unless you introduce medications that are not in the least natural to the child's system in order to change the "mentality" so to speak. This is wrong.

In this instance, it is true that the child is "born gay."

We cannot ignore the fact that the entire question of whether or not homosexuality is a mental disease or not is completely based off of opinion and family values. AS stated above, children grow up in a variety of house holds that formulate different views on life and what is wrong and right for their children.

In some households, actions and words (phrases) will be more likely to settle in a young child's mind, and that will stay with them for most of their life. If a boy grows up with a house full of females, and does indeed, prove to be gay later in the future, you cannot say that he developed a mental disease and is "sick." In this case, it is true that the repetative actions and the particular environment have something to do with the child's mentality and how they base their decisions on sexuality in the future. But, as seen before, there are children who even come from a conservative kind of house or environment and still grow up to be gay.

Early on, many children exhibit these homosexual traits and qualities and this is what leads us to believe that they are sick. As said in the first line of the article, the boy was described to be beautiful and healthy, and then says, "but," and discusses the feminine actions that "Stevie" displays. Is this a way of saying now that the child has become quite feminine, although he is a boy, he is now a horrible and sick boy? That he is seen as a lesser person because of the way he acts? Is this your way of saying that homosexual people are not beautiful and healthy?

This can only be described as ignorance in general, for the fact of the matter is, opinion has a way of contorting the overall perception or view on a topic, and this is where our misconceptions stem from.

If we are to look at this in a religious manner, we could easily assume that you, or others, do not value all forms of life due to the hate and genuine discomfort that the gay people "bring forth upon you," and that is seen as a shameful quality in the eyes of God.
All born sinners
It is a mistake to suggest that same-sex attraction is always and only a result of problems with parental relations. (It makes it easy for a gay to say, "I didn't have that problem; therefore you don't know what you're talking about." It also guilt-trips parents who may have done a fine job.) I don't doubt that that's sometimes involved. In other cases, sexual abuse is clearly involved (rate of sexual abuse suffered is far higher among self-identified gays and lesbians than among the general population). And in some cases there seems to be a genetic predisposition: identical twins are more likely than fraternal twins to share a sexual orientation.

But the fallacy of the homosexual lobby is to say that because someone has a particular innate temperament, that must be morally acceptable and even celebrated. Almost all of us are born selfish (there are a few who seem not to be, but that's by far the exception); should we just say, "I was born that way," and indulge? Of course not. Part of growing up is learning to resist impulses that we recognize as being destructive. As Christians, we recognize that every aspect of our personality is warped by sin. That includes our sexuality (and that includes heterosexuals as well; our temptations may be different from those of homosexuals, but no less dangerous).

And social science research is showing that people with innate tendencies toward various social pathologies are more likely to resist those tendencies if parented well. No guarantees; parenting is not a B.F. Skinner-type behavior modification program with rats, because the children have the power to make their own choices. But parents can encourage healthy choices, in sexuality as in manners as in other aspects of living.