An Interview with Dr. Freda McKissic Bush

Dr. Freda McKissic Bush is co-author (with Dr. Joe McIlhaney) of the new book Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex Is Affecting Our Children. Like Dr. Meg Meeker, whom I interviewed on a similar topic last year, Dr. Bush knows the subject of teen sexuality on both a professional and a personal level.

“As a physician who saw what was happening to my patients in my office . . . I was really grieved or burdened that so many of them were having consequences [of sexual activity] that they had not thought about,” Bush told me in a recent interview. At the same time, as a mother, she “would see the effect of premarital sexual activity on my children’s friends and on the community,” and knew she needed to communicate her own values clearly to her own children.

But she wanted to do more than that—she wanted to communicate them to her children’s peers as well. “My son is going to marry somebody’s daughter,” she points out. And by the same token, “If I want my daughter to marry a good man, then I have to raise a good man.”

The primary focus of Bush’s work is the science that shows the effect of poor sexual choices on the brain. In Hooked, Bush and McIlhaney write about how such behavior as casual sex with a number of partners can actually make changes in the brain—changes that lead us to start seeing that behavior as normal. When we don’t understand why sex makes us “feel attached and desire to be with that person again,” and when we ignore that feeling, we may keep behaving in ways that actually start to lessen our capacity for attachment in future relationships.

As Bush explains, “The changes have us habitually doing things that we may not even be aware of”—things like making dangerous and unhealthy sexual choices into a habit. “It’s important, I think, for us to understand that when you look at the neuroscience, the medical science, the healthiest behavior—the healthiest connection—is one man, one woman in a mutually monogamous long-term relationship. It’s healthier for the two individuals involved as well as the product of that procreation.”

When talking to teens about sexual consequences, Bush found that it was easiest for them to make the connection between sexual activity and the possibility of sexually transmitted diseases. It appeared to be harder for them to foresee the possibility of pregnancy—and possible emotional consequences often didn’t even occur to them. She tries to teach them that “the sexual connection has the possibility of procreation, recreation, and intimacy.” And “once I use the big words . . . then I break it down to the three Bs: babies, bodies, and bonding.”

But one of the most disheartening things Bush was seeing in her practice was that kids didn’t always appear to realize that “they could choose not to have sex.” She and her husband, Lee, saw an urgent need to get this message out. They started teaching abstinence education wherever they got the chance, at schools, churches, and civic organizations. For several years they did an annual Abstinence and You conference, and they continue to lead seminars for parents.

“The target audience for the book is parents and caring adults,” says Bush. “We felt like that’s really where the battle is. . . . If we can get to the persons who social science says actually have the most influence, we can empower them to use that influence. Who is better to protect, provide for, and guide them in that decision-making than the parents? But they need to be informed and they need to be encouraged to model the behavior.”

As a Christian, Bush is also interested in the connection between the spirituality and the science of sexuality. “My initial thought,” Bush says when asked about this connection, “is that the interpretation of the science has to also be rooted and grounded in values and principles. And if one teaches the information void of the inspiration, then it doesn’t have as much of an impact in decision-making.” Both faith and science teach us that “human beings are made to commit. We’re more than just physical bodies.”

When these messages are shared with teens over and over again so that they have a chance to sink in—“it’s like a vaccine and then getting a booster shot later on,” Bush says—they really do have an impact. After teaching a recent class at a middle school, Bush later ran into one of the students again while she was working at the hospital where his mother was in labor. When she asked him to name one thing that he’d gotten out of the class, he said, “I didn’t know the brain had anything to do with sex.”

If kids and parents can understand this, and learn how to apply their knowledge in practical ways, it can “give them a healthier respect” for sex and help them make wise decisions that can benefit them not just in the short term, but over the course of their whole lives.

Click here to buy your copy of Hooked. If you’re interested in getting Dr. Bush to speak in your area, call (954) 599-6392.

Gina R. Dalfonzo is editor of The Point and Dickensblog and a writer for BreakPoint.