It hit me all of sudden recently: I’ve been involved in full-time student ministry in the church for 19 years.

My pastor friend Jimmy and I often talk about the older, “veteran” guys of youth ministry who we have admired, and at times probably also longed for their “position” as recognized voices in student ministry circles. Well, with nearly 20 years of student ministry experience and both of us now pushing into our 40s, we don’t feel like the young guys any more.

At this particular stage of life and ministry, one of the current themes for me has been “simplify.” This has included unsubscribing from tons of youth ministry emails hailing “the latest thing” that will make it all right, as well as chucking a lot of youth ministry catalogs with lots of good materials that I don’t really have the time to delve into. One that thankfully did not make it into the garbage can in the last couple of months was an Inquest Publishing catalog that had the word “RETHINK” emblazoned on the front of the magazine. For me this was a gift from God.

Simply stated, ReTHINK is a call to re-embrace the family, and especially oft-forgotten parents, in the everyday life of student ministry. It seems to be a simple, straightforward idea, but one subtly overlooked in the current mode of how many student ministries separate youth from their parents and families.

I was drawn in from the table of contents. I read these words as chapter titles: ReSearch, ReValue, ReModel, ReShape, ReSource, ReDiscover, ReGroup, and ReVision. Though the statistics that are shared are specifically from the Baptist realm, there is much to consider from the basic framework that Steve and Chris are sharing. What is happening to students who have spent significant time in a church’s middle school and high school youth groups as they hit college and beyond?

For those of us who are journeying with students in this toxic culture (and at times “family unfriendly” church youth ministries) the authors’ findings are significant. Large numbers of young people are leaving church and God-centered community as they move into their 20s and beyond.

I particularly enjoyed being taken, of all places (surprise, surprise, not to another PowerPoint link), into the Scriptures to consider God’s call to parents to love and lead their children/students as the primary disciplers in this life. I was particularly challenged to consider how student ministries tend to separate themselves from parents along the way and at the same time enable parents to remain or move toward disengagement with the spiritual shaping of their own sons and daughters. Again, this can be a subtle but steady direction. After almost 20 years of youth ministry and several years of parenting my own teenage sons, I am now rethinking the way I minister to students.

ReTHINK has helped me to rethink the ways that I can begin to prayerfully change the “drop off” mentality that seems to pervade youth ministry around the country. Perhaps like me, you’re almost 20 years in and you realize that there’s more to youth ministry than just loving students well. You can also love families well and still maintain realistic boundaries on your time as a youth pastor. I am brainstorming, praying with dads, and considering what the future looks like as I move toward the moms and dads of these special students who God has placed under my care. I am learning that I am still learning. I am learning that I am not beneath being taught about this vocation that I love. ReTHINK has become a strategic part of that further learning.

ReTHINK mixes a strong call to biblical discipleship, practical ideas, and a realistic look at hurdles that we will encounter as we move in some “old” new directions. I heartily recommend Steve Wright and Chris Graves’ ReTHINK as not just another youth ministry book that will take its dusty spot in the forgotten stack. I carry this one around with me in my bag, letting its challenges and new ideas sink in, and talking about its implications with friends and colleagues. I invite you to carry around your own copy and begin to rethink the way your church disciples teenagers.

Damon Kelly has led student ministry teams in Tennessee, Texas, and Georgia for almost 20 years and is now the minister to high school students and their families at Cedar Springs Church in Knoxville, Tenn.